I am a fairly normal dude. Mid 40s. Successful in my career. Fun to be around. Great sense of humor. Beautiful wife and kids. Someone I would say I would have fun hanging out with on a normal day.
But. I am an alcoholic. And it fucking sucks. But at least it’s easy to say now. Honestly I think I personally have known I was an alcoholic for about 20 or more years. How fucked up is that?
And it has finally gotten to the point over the last 5-6 years where it’s not a hidden, occasional thing always anymore. It has escalated for some reason and become more frequent and started impacting my day-to-day life and family instead of being an occasional black-out night out with friends and get stupid at the end of the night. My kids have now been scared on 2 specific occasions. My wife has finally lost it. And I know its a problem.
I knew it was very serious about 2 years ago, but I half-assed meetings, sooort of got serious about recovery…but never really got it. I feel like I went through all the motions of what I was supposed to do, but never really got it.
But I recently had another wake up call (thank God nobody was hurt) and I’m done. And I need to and want to be finally done with this. I have confidence this time, which I didn’t last time. And I’ve already dove head first into the Big Book this time (which I blew off last time) and the first step is done. I don’t think I could ever last time truly be confident to say to myself “I cannot drink anything again anymore…ever. Alcohol cannot be part of my life…ever again.” And I am completely fine with this. I don’t think I ever got past the first step.
So…this is my journey and I wanted a journal to track it. So I thought I would do an anonymous blog. Why not. Wish me luck.